The Tale of the Jackelope

In the early days of Earth’s creation, there was a huge party. All the animals were invited and amongst them were Angelo Antelope and Rita Rabbit.

Angelo was a shy, young buck, who didn’t have it very easy with the young lady antelopes. Though he tried to be a strong and virile antelope in front of them, it didn’t help that he was the smallest antelope.

Yes, Angelo was very small for an antelope; he was a third the size of a normal male. He was constantly made fun of in high school by both the males and females of his species.

Rita, on the other hand, was a very popular female. She had many suitors trying to mate with her, but she was very weary of them.

She knew she was beautiful, but she also knew that beauty faded and she worried that they would leave her once she aged. She noticed that among the young male rabbits that approached her, they were only interested in one thing, and she wasn’t interested, however sometimes she found it hard to get rid of them.

It just so happened that at this party, Rita was having an exceptionally hard time getting the males away from her. Angelo saw this and though he might have been small for his species, he was still quite large compared to a rabbit.

He kicked and butted the rabbits away from Rita, and lead her away from the party to the bar where he bought her a Cosmo.

As they sat and drank they talked. They talked about life after high school and how their parents had it wrong and how the opposite sex was utterly ridiculous.

“Females are so shallow,” said Angelo, “All they are interested in is size.”

“Males are not better,” said Rita, “All they want is that one thing: all day, everyday.”

They continued to drink and complain.

“At least you’re the right size,” said Angelo, “I’m made fun of all the time.”

“At least you can easily sniff out the phonies,” said Rita, “I have too many to count bugging me all day.”

After about ten drinks each…

“You really think I have some nice qualities?” asked Angelo.

“You really think I’m fun to talk with?” asked Rita.

“Yeah,” they said together.

“You want to come to my place?” said Rita.

The two left the bar and ended up at Rita’s burrow. The next morning, Angelo woke up spooning Rita.

“Holy Cow!” he exclaimed as he jumped out of bed.

“What’s wrong, baby?” said Rita as she looked up to see an antelope in her room.

“Holy Cow!” she shouted.

“What are you doing here?” they said together.

“I live here!” said Rita.

“I, I, I,” said Angelo, “Did we do it?”

“You’d remember if we did it,” said Rita.

“Ok, ok,” said Angelo, “Well, I don’t remember anything, do you?”

“I don’t know!” she said.

“Holy cow!” said Angelo, “What do we do?”

“We’ll just have to wait 10 to 14 days,” said Rita as calmly as she could.

“Then what?” said Angelo.

“Well,” said Rita gulping, “Then we’ll know if I’m pregnant.”

“Pregnant?!” said Angelo, “No, no no. We can’t procreate. We’re two different species!”

“You’re right,” said Rita, “I can’t believe we’re making a big deal about this.”

They started to laugh. “There’s no way we could ever have kids,” said Angelo.

The two paused… The next scene is omitted due to the intimate nature of the… scene.

10 to 14 days later…

Angelo was working in the forest when he received an urgent message via Paul Pidgeon.

“Rita wants to see you right away,” said Paul, “She says it’s urgent.”

Angelo ran as fast as he could. The two decided it would be best to keep their relationship as just a friends. It was for the best; their parents wouldn’t understand.

Angelo made it to Rita’s burrow and knocked on the door. Rita came to the door, her stomach bulging.

“Hi, Rita,” said Angelo, “Man, getting ready for hibernation a little early, huh?”

He walked inside and sat on the couch. Rita was fuming. “I’m not eating more because I’m getting ready to hibernate,” she said tears welling up in her eyes.

“Well,” said Angelo, “What’s going on?”

“I’m pregnant,” she said, “And you’re the father.”

“Holy cow!” said Angelo jumping out of his seat, “It can’t be. We can’t procreate, remember?”

“It has to be yours,” said Rita, “You’re the only one I’ve ever did it with!”

“Holy cow!” said Angelo.

19 days later Angelo was taking Rita to the Shaman. She was tied to his back; it was the only way to carry her while she was pregnant.

Their parents were very angry. Interspecies relations were frowned upon. Angelo had only seen the Shaman once. He had been the one who had delivered him; Angelo figured he would be the best person to deliver his baby to the world.

They came across an encampment with a single tepee and Angelo could see a man standing in the middle of it.

He beckoned Angelo to come. His face old and expressionless.

Angelo trotted over to him. Rita was moaning. The Shaman untied Rita from Angelo. “What have we here, little antelope,” said the Shaman, “Ah, I see. I saw this day approaching, but I did not think I would be the one to witness it.”

He took Rita inside the tepee and motioned Angelo to come in. He put on some scrubs and had his nurses prep.

“When did her water break?” asked the Shaman.

“Excuse me?” said Angelo.

“Good God, man!” said the Shaman, “This is a life or death situation! When did her water break?”

“Uh, uh,” said Angelo, “10 minutes ago?”

“Here put these on,” said the Shaman. He gave Angelo some scrubs and a mask. “Quickly,” he shouted, “We don’t have much time.”

After a lot of pushing and puking (it’s awfully awkward to puke into a mask), Rita was able to hold her four babies.

“What’s wrong with their heads?” said Angelo.

“Honey,” said Rita, “They’re perfect.”

“That would be your little contribution,” said the Shaman winking, “They’re antlers.”

“Antlers!” said Angelo, “Get out of town!”

“Yes,” said the Shaman, “They don’t look like much now, but at four months they’ll probably look similar to your own. You must be very proud.”

Angelo was proud, but he was also worried. His children were undoubtably going to go through the same ridicule he went through in school.

As he watched his best friend feed their children, he couldn’t help but feel empowered. ‘I’m going to help them through it all,’ he thought, ‘I want to make sure they have as normal of a life as possible.’

Thus the birth of the Jackelope…

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