America the Great

I’d been planning for this moment for years, and it finally happened: the US dollar collapsed. There was total panic, just as I suspected would happen, and the people finally stood up and took back their country from the idiotic politicians, bankers, and business people; we had had enough and it was time to pay.

I hadn’t suffered as bad as the others. I had a family that was approaching retirement, and they had done rather well for themselves. It didn’t matter, however, as now their funds were worthless. Everyone’s funds were worthless… Though I suppose the asshat fuckers who kept so much of their money overseas, so as to not pay their fair share of taxes were probably OK. And I can only presume that they were long gone. They probably saw all of this coming.

So did I. I, however, didn’t have an offshore account that avoided petty conveniences like roads, schools, small businesses, stadiums I could never visit, and the like. I had a lot of debt. From student loans to credit cards, all siphoning my monthly pay, along with my taxes… They were all gone now… I was free.

And while everyone else panicked about how everything was going to change, I laughed and asked, “Isn’t that what you wanted?”

I was prepared. Having no ties to keep me in Indiana any longer, I loaded up my modified Ford Transit Wagon (major loan), with rifles and weaponry, lots of ammo, camping gear, seeds for planting, and several books to pass the time (credit cards).

I threw in all of my clothing in duffle bags and laundry bags. I wore my tactical gear, strapped with a large knife and glock 19, I felt pretty bad-ass.

I had ripped out the seats in the van and hung up a hammock. All I was missing was Roxy, my german shephard, and we would be off to the great forests in California. I would live amongst the wild animals and start a new life, away from everyone…

“I want to show all of my haters love, heeyyyyyy…”

My cellphone is ringing. Who the fuck is calling me?

“Hey man,” said a voice, “What’s up?”

It’s Jonathan… He must be shitting bricks right now.

“What’s up man?”

“Oh nothing… I’ve got some guys trying to break into my apartment!”

Shit… “That sucks… So, I guess the police aren’t coming?”

“No, I tried them first. Come on, man! You’re the only guys I know with like 20 guns.”

“I don’t have 20. I just have 11.”

“Whatever, just come over and shoot these guys!”

I smirk. “What about all your anti-gun shit from before? You won’t hate me if I kill them, right?”

There was silence on the other end of the phone. “Do you have to kill them?”

“Look man,” I said, “The world has changed. I’m different than who I was last week at that party. I’m not saying I’m going to kill them. I’m saying they might bleed to death… Or I’ll kill them… Sorry, this sounded cooler in my head…”

“Dude, shutup and get over here! They are really pounding on this door! I’ve got the furnature up against it; I don’t know how long I can last!”

Whiny bitch… “Alright… I’m coming.”

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